I am currently laying in bed, looking at my daughter as she sleeps, duck dynasty on in the back ground, and I’m thinking about how I want a pool in the back yard. It’s pretty random I know, but my daughter LOVES the water, and I do as well, and my husband, well I don’t know if he does or not but.. We want a pool! I recently purchased my first mommy bathing suit.. And I hate it. I feel so much older than I am, and so much bigger than I am, but it’s all the local Walmart had in stock, and I am not one of those women who buys a $100 swimsuit..top. The tankini does not flatter me, makes my boobs look huge, my tummy big, and let’s not even get started on the fact that it is ugly tye dye.. And the bottom is a skirt, which also is no good. It’s made for “tummy control” which it does not.
Anyways now that you get the idea of just how hideous it is, I am 23, I should be rocking a kick ass bikini right now! But I had a baby 8 months ago, and I have so many stretch marks, that are deep red, I have a c section scar that I am still coping with, and a little bit of baby weight I am not comfortable with.
Here I am thinking though.. Why am I doing this to myself? How long does this disgust with myself last? I want to go to the beach with my husband and look good! Not be In an awful bathing suit because my stretch marks! I made a child! I survived surgery! I get to tell the tale! Why am I so down on myself? I rock!
I think it’s time I throw away the tankini and skirt, find a bathing suit that’s age appropriate, and rock it! I know I will get judged, in fact family and friends will be the worst critics.. But I will be happy.
I want my daughter to never know I was ever ashamed of my body because I never want her to be ashamed of hers..
So I typed it, and I feel good about it, now to actually do It..