She’s one. 

The most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life, turns one in thirty minutes. 

How has it already been a whole year since I gave birth to her.. How am I supposed to make it through this day? 

Wow. 

My daughter is the most incredible little soul. Sure I’m a little bias but seriously, she’s brilliant. At two months old she said “hi” at 4 months she sat up alone, and at 8 months she began walking. She is so much more than I ever deserve. 

Tonight, I filled the hall with balloons, I wrapped presents, and I prepared for her birthday party. Tonight, was the first time I realized, they really don’t stay small forever.

From now on when people ask me how old she is, I’ll say “one” not 1-11 months.. She’s one. A whole year old. 365 days of my life that I wish I could relive a hundred times over. 

One. 

Sure, I’m pregnant with my second.. And I’ll have to do this again as he/she turns one, and I’m positive it will be just as hard. And I’ll be just as mushy. And just as exhausted from crying all day. I’ll prepare the snacks. The balloons and the gifts and write the letter. And I’ll sit in bed. And I’ll cry. 

She’s one. I don’t even know what else to say. Mommas.. I know your with me! 

Virtual hugs. 

Anxiety wins.

There is nothing I hate more than the fact that I have anxiety. Anxiety over everything. Storms, dark, night time, people, social events, doctors offices, even family events. It takes over me, and it’s exhausting. 

The thing about anxiety is, half the time I am telling myself “this is so dumb, why are you worrying?!” But I’m staying up all hours of the night watching a storm on the radar no where near me. 

Anxiety is hard for other people to understand. To me, it’s like being held under water, but the water is hot because I get really sweaty. My mind is racing, I know I’m being irrational but I can’t bring my head out of the water. 

I want to understand, at some point in my life, why some people have it, and others don’t.. And why mine gets worse the older I get. 

I am so tired of staying up all night, worried about things you see in movies. Not things that happen in real life. 

I am excited to see a doctor about it, but I have to wait until I have this baby. 
Anxiety, you win, 

And also you suck!

I think I grew up today.

I am 23, or at least I am for the next 12 days. I have a beautiful too soon to be one year old, an 11 week old baby in the belly, and I’ve been married two years this December. Somehow, I haven’t really felt like an adult, until today.. 

I don’t know what changed. I woke up the morning, created a new Instagram, deleted all my crazy college drinking pictures off Facebook, changed my Twitter up and just sat there. 

I had a professor tell me (the class really, not me in particular) to be prepared of what parents will think of you when they search my social media once i have my degree. I would not want my first grade class’s parents, to find that picture of me with my shirt lifted bra level showing off a nice permanent marked tribal tattoo from rib cage to hip bone, and smiling with a beer in the other. Oh my gosh. How was that still on there?! How have I gotten a job ever? I was so embarrassed. 

I sat in my home. Looking around. Thinking. Holy smokes. I just grew up. I just deleted my “childlike” existence. Along with the friends I had during that time. (Update: they are still drawing permanent marker tattoos and drinking every night guys.. Seriously.) and the ex, that bought me an engagement ring, and showed me via text message.. (I never actually saw it).. Yeah.. He’s a bartender.. And works with his shirt off.. And is still single.. And probably won’t ever grow up. 

Thank goodness I dumped that guy. 

(Also the one time I am thankful i caught him cheating on me, because that was the only thing that made me go, and somehow that’s when he showed me the ring. Lol) 

ANYWAYS

I am two semesters from having my degree, and will graduate with two amazing kids cheering me on! Yall, if there’s one thing I know.. Everything I’ve gone through made me who I am today. 
And I’m so glad.. I grew up today. 

Pepto.. You know the jingle. 

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion.. I’ll let you finish. 

My first pregnancy was gold, I never was sick, never exhausted, just normal, and big. My biggest obstacle was fitting in small spaces, and I was outside pulling weeds at 38 weeks in the Texas heat! I was pregnant all summer and only complained about heat at night. (I like my room freezing) what the heck is a comforter for anyway. To comfort my cold self!

However.. At 6 weeks pregnant round 2, my how things are different. EVERYTHING  is making me nauseas, my favorite foods, Oreos, drinks, my prenatals.. Everything! 

Luckily, the toilet and I have yet to become friends, and hopefully keeping it that way! 🙈🙊

I’m either freezing or burning up, I’m bawling about everything.. Seriously, Disney channel puppies making me cry. I’m being a total jerk because everything is irritating me. I can’t sleep. And to be honest I’m sick of drinking water but it’s 105 in Texas and I will not be dehydrated on top of the rest of this!

I don’t mean to complain I really don’t mean to. I love that I’m pregnant again! Can’t wait to see the baby in two weeks! But this baby is not being as nice as k was! Maybe it’s a boy, they are stubborn right? 😉 (joking guys) 

Anywho.

I spoke with the obg the other day about finances.. Yay! And the first thing she says is you know vaginal is cheaper than a c section. Oh she got an ear full. You could charge me bars of gold if it saved my babies life! Which it did last time and I will repeat because I can’t give birth naturally! (Dk why my uterus doesn’t play nice come go time) oh man was I spitting fire at her! Probably not the best idea with the woman in charge of my money but what can you do!

today.. my husband and I fought because he was eating cereal too loud.. As I was eating Doritos and pickles, which is probably the same sound, but for some reason the sound of him eating made me want to throw up! Ugh! 

And kamrynn has gotten in a habit of waking up at 4 am and wanting to blow bubbles on my tummy.. Which is cute for the first thirty minutes and then I’m tired. 
Needless to say this pregnancy is taking a toll on me.. It’s 9 pm I’m freezing and I’m going to bed! Night yall!
(Sorry to any guys who read this and was grossed out by the word uterus) 

(Sorry again) 

It’s been a while. 

Wow. I never knew just finding out you are pregnant again somehow makes life much more hectic! 

Updates:

Kamrynn has her second tooth! And she is walking at nine months old! 

We went on a mini vacation last weekend where hubs and I had a blast! We bowled, played putt putt, laser tag, and top golf! We had his aunt as a sitter so we went wild 🙂 it was amazing to rekindle our love a little bit. We don’t always get to get out during the day much less go in many places. We also tried chipotle for the first time! This preggers momma was in heaven! 

Things have been great around here! My husband has been amazing with this pregnancy (last time he was kind of an asshole.) he’s been showing up randomly with my favorite foods, helping me around the house, and trying not to piss me off to the point of no return. 

In my first pregnancy he would always tell me, it was an excuse to act like a crazy woman.. That never ended well for him, he got pretty comfortable with the during those nine months. 

Kamrynn has been a doll, walking, saying baby, waving, learning a new thing literally every day! We are thrilled! 

I registered for all of my classes last week! All down stairs, and great parking! Thank goodness! 

Everything is just peachy around our house lately! And we are loving every bit!

Thrilled! Be thrilled with me? 

Today has been a blur of excitement! We found out today I am expecting baby number 2, our lives are changing again, and we couldn’t be happier! 

I ran to Walmart around 2 and sneakily threw a pregnancy test in my basket, and took off. I’m 23 and married and still buying those things is terrifying. I checked out, drove home, and tried to take it. 5 bottles of water later, I sat and waiting as the bars loaded on the tiny gray screen. Two bars left, one bar, pregnant! 

Holy. Moly. My life flashes before my eyes, I’m sitting watching my 9 month old push a basket around the living room scattered with toys. Pregnant. In all caps. 

We were planning. We have been trying, and yet still seeing those words was shocking. Here we go! Ready or not!

I told my husband when he got home with a sign in my daughters room that said “big sister!” He was speechless, and crying! We are pregnant! 

Now comes the fun! How do we tell everyone? 

We decided on a photo of kamrynn and a chalkboard of things to do written. Last one said “become a big sister” and we sent it to everyone. 

Phone calls, texts, Facebook posts! Everyone is so excited! 

One person didn’t reply. And much as I tried not to let it effect me.. Ouch! 

My husbands step mom. His dad texted us and said something along the lines of “we are shocked, given the past, and yall should have planned better.” 

Hmm. Really?! Garrett and I did have a rocky place in our marriage.. Who doesn’t really? But we planned this baby, and our first. 
We knew each other 3 months when we were engaged. A month later we married, a month after that we found out we were pregnant. 18 months after that, here we are! Baby number 2. 

We aren’t rushing, we are carefully planning everything we do. We know how babies are made. 😉 

It breaks my heart to know that she could be so into herself that she can’t find the time to be excited about her second grand baby.. 

Maybe if it was her real son having a child it would be different.. I hate to say that’s how she is. 

I appreciate people who are excited for us! Even complete strangers like my blogger friends! The posts are about to get that much more exciting! 😁 baby number 2. We can’t wait to meet you! 

Expecting number #2

  
Excuse my hideous nails.. But I’m pregnant with my second amazing baby!

It’s early, very early, I’m hardly 4 weeks, just enough to pass a test. But i read once that waiting 12 weeks is a precaution in case something horrible happens. 

I don’t believe in that. I want my support system to be there for me and with me if the unthinkable ever happened. I don’t want to deal with it alone. Ever. How awful 😦

I’m so excited! My husband is thrilled! Our family and friends think we are crazy but they are happy. 😉 

Here we go! Adventure number two! 🎀💙